I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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