Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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