There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dick very happy bro
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