I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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