kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You are a genius and a whore.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
