i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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