Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
