omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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