We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think my moral compass just broke
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
