I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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