bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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