Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
