It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Farmville is her only friend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
