I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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