weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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