HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
