I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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