I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
