Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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