And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
