You just made me feel so damn special
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
