i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
