its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
