u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize