grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
