Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
