I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
