I hate all girls vehemently.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
