Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He? As in you personified your dick?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
