I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
