I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
