she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sober January is a disaster.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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