I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
