she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
