fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
