of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
