I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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