I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize