why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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