Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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