We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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