he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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