he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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