i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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