just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
