I want to make a zoo with you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
