my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
