Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
