Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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