That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
