At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
