I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
