Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize