my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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