Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
