I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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