I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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