You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
