I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
