Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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