Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
