Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
