Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
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Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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