Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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