that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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