I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize