Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
