I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
