I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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