Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
