I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
