he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
