hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
