He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
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It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
And then he peed in my hair
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