guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
