Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
