I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
