yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
