i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
