Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
