please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
