gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
