So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
