you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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