If that was your dad, he is hot
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
