So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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