dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
