We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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