Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
