Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
