We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
